This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
