Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
