I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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