I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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