He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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