I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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