Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
