my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
