laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
