Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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