can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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