Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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