BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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