You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
