Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
