I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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