The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
