Sponge bath it is.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
