I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
