God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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