its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
