I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
