Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
