please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have aggressive nipples.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
