Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
