if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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