So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
