Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
