Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
