i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize