Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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