Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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