Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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