She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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