Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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