Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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