babies were throwing up all over the place
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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