omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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