he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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