fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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