He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
