I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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