Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
