I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
