DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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