take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
