I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
