Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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