I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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