Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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