I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your penis caused this!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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