Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
