I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize