bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
