remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My life is pants optional.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
