I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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