the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
