just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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