I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
