We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
