you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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