I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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