so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
