I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
