Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize