Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
