How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
