I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
