Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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