But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
