butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worst night to have a conscience
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
