If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize