This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
