i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
