I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
