I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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