walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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