Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize